Cauliflower
by IchthusFish
Summary: Wes and Hobbie end up with Kitchen Duty again, but chef isn't exactly what they're expecting... Star Wars X-Wing / Lord Of The Rings crossover.


Beta's: Sylvrilyn & Loriba

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or Lord Of The Rings in any way shape or form, though it would be nice if I did. This is just for fun. I think that fanfic is a good way to explore our favourite universes. So, on with the exploration.

Notes: Star Wars X-Wing / Lord Of The Rings crossover. This is my first attempt at writing in either universe.

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**Cauliflower**

"Its not my fault! I didn't know he was going to get so mad about it."

"His hair was _pink_ Wes! Luminous, glow in the dark, pink!"

"It was meant to be… well red anyway. And the trader who sold it to me said it washed out after a couple of times. So really, it's not my fault. Besides, our esteemed leader normally takes these harmless pranks in his stride."

"I thought for sure Wedge was going to kill us this time." Hobbie shook his head mournfully as they continued along the corridor. "How do I let you talk me into these things? Now I get to spend two weeks cleaning pans and scrubbing tubers with you."

"Yeah but think about it Hobbs. The rest of the squadron thought it was hilarious, even the ones who were trying to look all disapproving about it. A little tension release is always a good thing, helps to break the monotony while we're waiting for the Empire to show up for a woopin'."

"With our dishwasher hands… and tuber stained skin. Should really get those stormies running."

"And we'll be the heroes of Rogue Squadron. Worth a little kitchen time don't you think?" Actually, he was still slightly confused by the oddly evil glint in Tycho's eye when he had suggested this punishment. He hadn't thought they'd be let off quite so lightly.

Hobbie gave a non-committal snort and watched warily as a scheming glint appeared in Wes' eye, a sly grin slowly covering his face.

"Wedge has to go to meet with Admiral Akbar for the next mission briefing." Wes chuckled and waggled his eyebrows. "Wish I could be a fly on the wall for that conversation."

"Oh great! We're doomed! We'll end up on kitchen duty for life."

"Mmm… maybe we should do something with Lieutenant Keetch next time. Haven't used him in a while. I don't think Wedge even knows I've still got him."

"Wes…"

"Hobbs…"

Their conversation was interrupted by a loud clatter emanating from the nearby kitchen doors. Peeking in through the portal they stared in surprise and confusion as a short man rummaged around the kitchen muttering under his breath.

"What the…?"

Wes pushed through the kitchen door, only to have Hobbie walk into his back as he found himself confronted by the startled stranger wielding a heavy looking fry-pan.

"Who are you, and what are you doin' in my kitchen?" he demanded.

Wes hesitated just a second too long, distracted as he was by the mass of hair on the little man's bare feet, which suddenly seemed to be moving towards him.

"Stealing food are ya'? I'll 'av you!"

"No!" Wes managed, with one of his most disarming 'I didn't do it' smiles, already planning his revenge on Tycho for this particular experience. "We're you're _temporary_ kitchen assistants. I'm Wes, and this is Hobbs," he gave his friend a nudge.

"'Lo," muttered Hobbie, back to his normal, quiet self already. Wes rolled his eyes. _Great help there Hobbs_.

The man lowered the cookware, and Wes suppressed a sigh of relief. After all, death by fry-pan wouldn't really have done anything for his reputation.

"Samwise Gamgee, at your service," the man was saying. He reached into a sack and pulled out a strangely shaped item and handed it to Wes.

"Break that into chunks and put it in the pan."

Wes turned the thing over in his hands. It was white and knobbly, and little bits of it broke up in his fingers as he handled it.

"Erm… what is it?"

The shorter man looked at him incredulously.

"It's a cauliflower! What else would it be?"

Wes and Hobbie looked at him blankly.

"Cau-li-flow'r," he said, as if speaking to a particularly slow child. Shaking his head, he started rummaging around the kitchen again.

"Erm. What are you looking for?"

"Taters." Seeing the blank looks again he gave an exasperated sigh. "Po-ta-toes! Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!"

He started searching again, waving his arms in a frustrated shrug and muttering something that sounded like "stupid humans, don't know what taters are. Can't run a good kitchen without taters."

Wes gave Hobbie a pained glance. Hobbie, if it were possible, looked even more mournful than usual.

"How long did you say we had kitchen duty for?"

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